Friday, January 29, 2010

rock

Ever have a feeling
that you'd like to connect
to the rest of the world
so you search an outlet

and then when you find it
no one is there
to give you a hand
in a time of despair

do not feel alone
because you are not
you are just one
that is part of alot

part of alot
of fear that we might.
of lost our edge
or have lost the last fight

our numbers are many
but are voice is still few
it starts with someone
that someone is you

you can only
you will only
be the one to pull yourself out

cause the others are busy,
busy climbing and finding,
finding their footing
out from where they have been hiding

dont stand where you are
cause you just might become
just another rock
for them to step on



I never ever think that today is going to be amazing. It puts standards on days. I try to break down those standards. I rather state day is amazing, night is amazing, and life is amazing. Instead of making a litmus to how day should be lived. I live a day. I wanna dismantle these rules from the inside out. Sure there are more days that are more favorable then others, but all the favoring does is push down the standard of the less favorable day.

When you are born into this world you do not have a standard for days. So each day is a new experience. Life is filled with joy because the next day is filled with wonder and hope. It is good to re remember days of the past, but not dwell on them. Sure a day can be wonderful, but the circumstances of that day will never be exactly the same. It can be similar, but will never be the same. So why weigh the day against another. Its not a controlled environment at all. Anything can happen, and will happen without your consent. Even the most powerful person in the world can not control what might unfold the next day. The variables are too vast and the field to wide.

Live Life. Im not saying live without standards. Im saying the days that get you down. The days that make you cheek droop. Maybe a bad day, but it is a day, a day full of life, a day that can be a ladder to the next day. Where everything may be better. The conditions will differ, the feild will shift. The low mood from befor might suddenly lift, and become something better.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Tuesday.

Today was a good day.
I woke up and played some COD MW2, I hate that I am becoming a gamer again. Even tho its a good way to lose time. Next after that I fixed my External hard drive issues. It was so much an issue of my hard drive or computer not working then it was my drive got formatted for mac and now I was tring to use it on a windows platform. I downloaded a driver that made it possible to read mac drivers. So I got the files off that i needed.

I went to Wal-mart afterwards to see if I could find a flash drive large enough to hold some of my old data so that I could reformat my drive, and partition it more evenly. Right now my mac side is over 900 MB where my windows side is around 100 MB. No luck but I did find the neatest notebook that has recycled paper in it. The paper is all medium shade tan and as lil imperfections every where. I love it. Im draw way too light and this will help my darken my stuff up.

I came home to find my bro playing borderlands. Which I volunteered to play with him. After getting owned by every living thing on Pandora I decided I was done. (It was not because I not good it was because everything was about ten levels above me and had a little red skull next to it.). We had taco tuesday for dinner. I opt out for some red burritos instead but still the catch phase stays the same. Tommorow I got to take my mother to her doctors office at 9 am which is not bad. I think im going to take my new sketch pad and maybe my computer. Maybe Ill type another pointless blog lol.

Saturday, January 9, 2010

A Christmas Hangover

Oh what a wondrous time of the year. Festivities of all kinds unfolding before ones eyes. I am sure it is easy to get caught up in the dazzle we call Christmas. I myself being an atheist still find some jolly in the holiday. I am sure my glutton for socks and under wear will not go unnoticed. On the other hand some thing seem to rub me the wronge way.

I see all these dazzling lights and cant help but think, I wish I could be there when this poor sap gets the electric bill for his award winning lights. There was this commercial on the other day, it was a man and his dog and they were walking at night in a festive area. The dog stops and begins barking at this mans lights. The man is oh so conveniently outside when the owner on the dogs explains that the dog doesn’t like when people flaunt there prosperity. The man who owns the house explains he got the lights on sale so the dog is wrong, but I couldn’t help but think maybe the dogs already got it figured out more then his “superiors”.

Beside all of the wasteful lights that are displayed there is one thing that bothers me more. The grand daddy of the whole event is the tree. The Christmas tree that sit in the living room for a month and slowly live out the remainder of its live sitting in a room dolled up like a Nevadan lady of the night. I guess most people don’t think of it that way because if I were to mention something like that at Christmas day at the family gathering id be exiled for life. I don’t mind people who cut down trees for paper, lumber, or fire wood, but for a decoration that only last a month. I think of it as a fur coat that can only be worn for a month. Throw all the nonsense out the window that this is a living organism that is being killed. The impact that Christmas has on the environment by destroys acres of pine trees. Trees that take carbon out of the air to make out air cleaner.

Christmas comes and goes and leave the world with a impact of a asteroid, scorched earth and all. It seems that alone the toll that this wretched holiday has on our home (planet earth), seems to dismiss any validity towards Christianity being the peaceful religion. Im sure some may argue well it good for economy, and sure they are write, but what use will this paper money be when all resources are already used up for this glutinous behavior.

I hate losing

I hate losing myself in thought it just starts with a small stream and opens up into many other rivers, eventually making me almost lose where i started. I cant seem to focus as much as I used too. If i'm deep in thought I cant be talking, if i am talking I cant be in a deep thought. Last night at dinner I could not stop talking, it was references to this and to that. A little deduction here and there nothing to fancy. Just gaga that would come out if I was not thinking, and then this afternoon I sat down at the table and one thing was muttered to me. As soon as one topic came out that I have not been properly educated on. Or at least to my acknowledgments I have not. So that bit of abstract thinking opened up the wormhole. I started on one subject, interconnected that subject to a more meaningful subject then connection after connections. I was on a more meaningful thought process but it was now all of my interest. Losing focus.

Monday, January 4, 2010

The Dawn/Dusk Effect

Sometimes I just sit down and think about myself. I put my judgments into judgment. Its sometimes hard to be told your wrong, but even harder admitting the truth of it. I am fallible like anyone else that ever lived. I have been wrong million if not trillions of times. Today while driving home in the dark I wondered. How much of a effect does the time of day have to do with traffic?

Before tonight I would think that traffic was purely made by people who hit their brakes all the time. Now this is not my full theory but I part of it. Now I beginning to think there is alot more to it. I thought well how about the visibility of the red tail light. There is three main states of atmospheric lighting: Night, Day, and half way in between (this of course is a generalization for space sake.) How could these three different states change the visibility of a red tail light while a car is braking? Before rationalizing I would think of course night must be the worse because It is very dark and a red light would shine brightest in the dark. That is not at all wrong, but if you notice when you lights are turned on you tail lights are already red and just get a extra boost while braking.

During the day can be the worst so I moved on to the reasons why dawn or dusk could be the worst. I found out that there is a very good reasons why this is the worse time of time of brake light visibility. First off there are car with there lights off still and the visibility is not gone from seeing these cars, but upon braking there light peer through the spatial perspective and give a huge contrast between not braking and braking. This is the highest contrast you will get all day long. People are attracted to things with high contrast, for example people are fascinated with eyes why, because the eye has a dark pupil and right above it is a highlight on the glossy surface of the membrane. So people would be more attracted to these red lights then th regular lights making them more noticeable to a wider range of people. Another reason why it is a bad part of the day for traffic is because of ambiguity. Some people have their lights on and some have them off. This does not cause huge confusion but I can see how calculating the depth perception between two different car one with lights on one with them off might cause a little. This may lead some one to come up too quickly on another car forcing them to use their brakes. Thus cause the chain reaction of brake lights we see today.

Now when coming across these deduction I was not trying to make another excuse why there is traffic during dusk and dawn but to find possible reasons there might of been traffic at the time I was driving down the freeway, which was 8 pm. It was dark and I was hoping there was no traffic. My line of deduction did not go

rush hour traffic at dawn/dusk > Why is dawn/dusk a bad time for driving.

It went.

Whats a possibility of random traffic at night > the variables, pros cons > in contrast to other times > dusk/dawn worst time for traffic > possible varible for rush hour traffic.

So there was no bias against my result. I find it funny that my finding came out in that direction because I knew there was traffic at those times of the day, but never attributed any cause to the lighting of the time.